Career or Stay at Home?

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Finding the Balance


 I'll be the first to admit that I have a shopping addiction. I like *things* and nice things to be exact. My favorite stores are Nordstrom and J.Crew, and yes, I'm a brand snob. I don't know how I got that way because by no means did I grow up privileged. But, I worked hard, got a full ride scholarship through the military, graduated with a Bachelor's and a commission, and continue to work to build a comfortable life for myself and now my family. The point in all this? I, like many out there, need money! But now that Jellybean is in the picture, I struggle with finding the balance between working to maintain our lifestyle and spending good quality time with my son. 

The Air Force gives you 6 weeks of  maternity leave and you're free to add your own leave on top of that. Since I delivered Jellybean so close to my moving date, I basically didn't work between April and mid June. During that time, it was just the two of us all day every day. Sure dad was around to help out, so was my mom, but I never left him alone for more than just a few hours. When I arrived in Virginia, that blissful mother and son bonding time I had grown accustomed to was coming to a close, and I'd have to go back to working 10-12 hour days. The thought overwhelmed me. Fortunately for us, the military provides excellent daycare facilities, and although Jellybean is literally a 3 minute drive from work and I can go visit him whenever I want, it's still challenging. I constantly wrestle with thoughts of, should I just get out so I can be a stay at home mom, or should I continue to work to maintain our lifestyle? 

We've been blessed with our jobs in the Air Force. Full medical care, sort of stable jobs, a flexible schedule, and honestly, as an officer, a really comfortable paycheck. As a result, Matt and I can basically spoil our son rotten. I can't even count how many times I jump on amazon just to see what the newest top rated baby toy is, hit the buy button, and two days later it's at my front door. These toys are more for me vs. him because really, how many toys or pairs of BabyGap jeans does an almost 6 month old need? The other side of me thinks about the fact that we don't get home until 1800, Jellybean is in bed by 2000. That gives me TWO hours with my son. That's it. A measly two hours of cuddle time a day. Is it worth it? 

All I want to do is stay at home and cuddle
with Jellybean

Duty calls....but I sneak him to work
every now and then. 




Daycare Adventures 


The first time I dropped Jellybean off at daycare, I sat in the parking lot and cried...and cried...and cried. I wasn't even going to work. I dropped him off so I could go house hunting and he was only really staying there for a few hours. In Texas, I had left him with my mom or friends tons of times and I never thought twice about it. But I think dropping him off at daycare made it more real that soon I'd be going back to work and this would become a regular occurrence. I specifically put him in a "mommy loves me" onsie that first day. Definitely more for my benefit than his. 

At 10 weeks old, Jellybean was ready for his first day at daycare. Mommy......not ready at all! 


It Gets Easier.....Sort Of 


Several months later, dropping him off has become TONS easier. Still hard of course, because who wouldn't want to snuggle with those chubby cheeks all morning? The ladies that take care of him are phenomenal and I know he's in good hands. Daycare has worked wonders with him too. He now takes a bottle, something he never would have done with me around 24/7. Dad's of course grateful because now he can join in on the fun. Before daycare, I couldn't get him to sleep in his crib for the life of me. He *always* wanted to sleep in my arms, but now, Jellybean can fall asleep anywhere and doesn't need to be held as often. That's sort of a bittersweet development since now, I miss having him sleep on me. Guess I'm hard to please. 
Happy little dude at daycare

Tough Choices 


But every night when it's bed time and I feel like I haven't spent enough time with my little boy, I have to ask myself, is the extra paycheck really worth it? Lots of military couples get by with more children than we have and just one paycheck. Could we really cut back so I can be a dedicated stay at home mom? How much does the child really benefit from a stay at home mom? My mom worked full time and then some and I turned out ok....I think.... It's a personal choice to make, I just don't know which way our family wants to go. I'm definitely torn between my commitment to not just being able to provide for my family, but my commitment to wearing the uniform. I absolutely love being in the Air Force, but I definitely don't love it more than my family. 
My handsome little Air Force brat. 

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