Jellybean's Big News

You Can't Get Pregnant While Breastfeeding 

They say you can't get pregnant while breastfeeding. They say it's Mother Nature's way of protecting mothers. Every time moms breastfeed, a message gets sent to the body saying "I have my hands full here." Breastfeeding is a pretty draining process, not to mention caring for a little one. Makes sense right? Well, sure it does, but there's always a bigger plan out there. Pair breastfeeding with the mini pill and perhaps you up your chances of stretching out time between kiddos right? WRONG. At least in my case. 

A Small Moment of Panic 

Back in December, I started feeling a bit....odd. I was used to being exhausted all the time, but this was a new level of tired. That odd feeling started to turn into...a FEELING that perhaps, despite the odds I had stacked up, perhaps there was a tiny little miracle secretly growing in my belly. Maybe that's the reason I couldn't lose the baby weight because it definitely wasn't the ice cream, ok maybe the ice cream had something to do with it, and the cakes, and the chocolate... and definitely the Chipotle. When the intense aversion to Thanksgiving food came and then the smell of meatloaf seemed like the worst thing ever, I started getting a little bit suspicious. One morning Matt woke up, sat straight up, and said "I just had a dream we had a daughter."  Well if that wasn't a sign, then I don't know what would be. I caved and bought TWO pregnancy tests, ate sushi for lunch since I had a hunch it might be my last time for a while, went into the bathroom at work, took the tests and..... yup. Women's intuition indeed, I was baking another bun in the oven. I found this out in the week between Christmas and New Years and shortly after the New Year I was to head over to Montgomery for 5 weeks.  The next few weeks were a whirlwind adventure between preparing to leave, confirming the pregnancy test at the doctor's and scheduling an off base ultrasound and paying out of pocket since the medical facilities here just couldn't squeeze me in before my trip. I couldn't leave for Alabama without hearing that precious heartbeat! Luckily, I was far enough along that the 3D ultrasound venue was able to see my new little one through a traditional sonogram wand. She guessed I was 7-8 weeks along but I wouldn't get an official due date until the end of February! When people would ask me when my due date was, I'd have to shrug and say, I have no clue, I wasn't getting a consistent menstrual cycle since I was still breastfeeding and I haven't seen a doctor yet! 

I was definitely apprehensive about sharing the news. Two kids under the age of two?!?!?! OH MY GOODNESS. How in the world am I supposed to handle that craziness? Matt could immediately tell I had something on my mind and while I was panicking, he quickly pulled me off the ledge and assured me that we could do this and this second baby is in good hands! Well DUH AMOR of course we could and of course this baby is a blessing. So there you have it, I'm pregnant with  Baby #2, and this little one is due on 17 August! 

Make Each Moment Count 

While I'm beyond excited to be in the process of making my family bigger, and even more stoked that my children will grow up close in age, there's this part of me that isn't ready to share the love just yet. I hope that doesn't make me a terrible mama. Right now, Jellybean is my world. His smile sends my heart through the roof! And while I KNOW that I have plenty of room in my heart for an infinite amount of children and will have no problem welcoming this new blessing into this very loving family, the time I have alone with Jellybean is quickly becoming more and more precious. I want to enjoy these moments while it's just us two and he gets my undivided attention. In the past few months he has become so much more sweet and loving with us. He used to be more interested in his toys and surroundings while mom and dad were just "around" but now, he eagerly comes to us, gives us big wet slobbery kisses that puts Abby's to shame, and prefers to sleep with his head on one parent and his feet on another- as long as he's touching us both. This new and extremely affectionate part of his personality just turns me into mush and I want to encourage every bit of it.  

When Baby Moran #2 comes, I know my attention will need to go to the baby that NEEDS me more. And I know that the bond I develop with this second one will be just as sweet and just as powerful as the one I have with JB.  I'm already starting to feel movement and that familiar warm and very good feeling of having my child growing inside me is amplified now that I know all the wonderful things to come once that child is growing before my very eyes. I don't want to downplay the love I already feel and will continue to nurture and grow in the months and years to come. But, at the same time, I'm making each individualized moment count with JB during his soon to expire only child status. 

                                                      

Blessings and Questions 

Sometimes I feel guilty for my what seems to be extreme fertility. I got pregnant twice in two years and both times I wasn't trying to conceive. While I was in Montgomery I met the sweetest family. They had been trying to conceive for years until hit with some pretty upsetting news. This led them to adopt one of the sweetest little girls I've ever met. After meeting them, I've come to believe that the children you end up with, no matter how you end up with them, are the children you're meant to have. But I still tried to be cautious and never complained about morning sickness or complained about unexpectedly getting pregnant, because I need to remember just how fortunate I am. I know a few other women who have suffered miscarriages or are having trouble conceiving and it breaks my heart into a million pieces! Carrying a child is a beautiful experience, one that I'm glad to have gone through and continue to go through. But raising a child- even with my very short 11 months of experience- is a whole different miracle that I'm glad, despite the hurdles, many women can still experience. There's a big part of me that gets upset that these women, who I know are without a doubt absolutely meant to be mothers, are being denied this blessing. A big part of me wants to know why it's so easy for some and so difficult for others, and sure there are scientific reasons behind just about everything. I get that, I'm a scientist by trade. BUT- my faith is stronger than the long list of math and physics classes that litter my transcripts. And while that faith lets me know there's a plan out there for all those aching moms, I can't help but cry a few tears with them as they struggle to figure out that plan. I never want to seem ungrateful for what I know and continue to appreciate is a wonderful gift, my body's fertility will prevent me from ever fully understanding that pain that my friends feel. But hearing their stories and even worse SEEING their heartache and being unable to do anything about it, well it breaks me. 

So, with that said, and while I'm MORE THAN EXCITED to share my news, I want another mother to be able to share her news soon. Emily was the very first person I trusted Jellybean alone with when I had him. At just 2 weeks old, I left him with her to watch while I ran around to do so some errands. I wasn't nervous or anxious or afraid to leave my brand new first born child with her. If anything, she knew what she was doing more than I did!  This woman is already a mother to angels in heaven, but I want her to have one here with her on Earth. Check out her Go Fund Me page and donate if you can so this mom can have a beautiful bundle of her very own.  

http://www.gofundme.com/n070ek