Agressive Behavoir
Oh my goodness I have that kid. At daycare they expressed
a concern that Jellybean was swatting everything in sight! I noticed an increase
in his aggressive behavior at home too and true to form, immediately started
researching everything I could on why he does it and how to stop it! I don't
want to have THAT kid. I recognize that as he grows he will go through phases,
test limits, and use easy methods to explore his surroundings. It's my job as
his mom to set the limits and steer him in the right direction as he explores
the world around him and learns to interact with his kids. But at the same
time, when you're a new mom, you're so excited about all the fun things and then
a discipline challenge faces you all of a sudden and you're at a loss! Hard
work now will pay dividends later though.
Apparently aggressive behavior is a normal part of my
Jellybean's development. His limited language skills and extremely strong
desire to be independent, coupled with his undeveloped impulse control are all
contributing to his feeling like he needs to hit everything. Hands are his main
form of communication right now. And the worst part? It's worse in boys. And
his caregiver at daycare said this boy is a boys boy to the extreme. Yay for us
I guess?
So here's my plan:
Follow up with logical consequences. At his age of 16
months, consequences are kind of difficult. Time outs don't exactly work. Hell,
even yelling at him doesn't work all the time, if anything it gets him more
riled up. Spanking? Yeah....not at this age, although I have no issue with
spankings. He's not at the right age to realize the difference and in this
case, I'd just be reinforcing his bad habit by using my own hands to hit and
express my feelings. Kind of the opposite of what I'm going for here. Reasoning with him? HA. He doesn't have the
cognitive maturity to understand his behavior and its effects on others. Re-directing the negative behavior after
telling him what he did wrong seems to be the best way to go.
Keep my cool. This is really hard. Sometimes it makes me
really upset that he's going into this phase. But yelling at him isn't
curtailing anything. By keeping my cool, he learns to do the same. Parents are
the first line of defense against bad habits. He's watching my every move, so
if I lose it, he sees that it's ok to lose it too. In something I read they
said, "if you don't react wildly, his hitting experiments will play
themselves out." Which makes sense, he loves getting some kind of reaction
out of me, regardless of if it's positive or negative. Not getting a significant
reaction out of me should make the hitting lose its luster. I've learned that when I yell at him he just laughs at me anyway. Definitely reinforces that any attention is good in his eyes.
Set clear limits and be CONSISTENT. Being consistent is
one of the hardest things for me and something I need to work on. I need to
make sure to reprimand every instance and response immediately to his new found
aggressive behavior. And the type of discipline he gets needs to be as
consistent as possible. I talked with his caregiver at daycare to make sure
we're on the same page so they're doing the same thing during the day as I’m doing
at night and on the weekends.
Teach alternatives. When he hits, I take his hand firmly,
say no firmly, and then say "soft touches" and show him how to gently
touch me. I need to start doing it with everything he decides to hit because I'll
be honest, I let it slide when he does it to the dog or the table. He's 16
months old..... he won't understand the differences that I see. So nipping the
issue all together, whether that aggression is taken out on a couch cushion or
the dog's poor face, all need the same consequence followed by "soft
touches" and us showing him what exactly soft touches means. This kid
loves to be praised. It works wonders with him. So once he picks up on soft
touches and does it on his own, constant praise from mom and dad should make him
catch on to the type of behavior we want him to express.
At the same time, I get that he's a boy. And that
aggression is something that needs to be channeled somewhere in a healthy way.
He has all this energy and right now, his outlet is hitting. We need to find
ways to let that energy out in ways that won't make him look like THAT kid
that's never disciplined.
This kid is constantly challenging me! But we'll get through this phase, just going to take some dedication.
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