25 Week Update

My Little Tater Tot 

I find myself fighting some guilt every now and then. I'm not paying as much attention to this pregnancy as I was before. Sometimes, I get annoyed that simple tasks, like sitting straight up in bed, is once again becoming quite the chore, especially when I have to get up because Jellybean is crying. Springing out of bed is quickly becoming a thing of the past, at least for now. The frustrations of my limitations are compounding when instead I should be excited that this little one is growing comfortably and safely in my belly. Instead I'm finding the constant exhaustion, dizziness, body aches, nose bleeds, and clothes that don't fit more of a nuisance. And it all makes me feel so guilty. 

Sometimes I think about the little time I have left til this little one is in my arms and I panic a little because it means little time left with Jellybean as an only child, getting my full attention. And it makes me feel so guilty. 

Sometimes I stand in my closet upset that I still have clothes with tags on them from pre-Jellybean pregnancy days that I never got to fit into because I'm once again growing another baby. And it makes me feel so guilty. 

Sometimes I drool over that glass of beer, red wine, sashimi, Jimmy Johns sandwich and I get a  bummed that I once again have to wait for those things and it makes me so guilty. 

Sometimes I worry that Matt won't be able to step it up when Tater Tot comes and my Jellybean will feel the effects of no longer being an only child with all the devotion on him and I'll be helpless because I have a much younger baby much more dependent on me than he is and his care may fall by the wayside and it makes me burst into tears. 

Sometimes I just burst into tears because of all the things in my head and all the emotions I can't seem to keep at bay because of these damn hormones and then I get mad at these hormones and it make me feel so guilty. 

Are these common 2nd time around feelings? I never want to underplay just how excited I am to finally meet this little one and to have a newborn in my arms again. My co-worker just had hers, my cousin just had a little one, and seeing those pictures of those puffy faces and still scrunched up bodies, and hearing those itty bitty cries from those still developing lungs gets me impatient to be in that position again. BUT- and nowadays there's always a BUT, it means I'll be at that state where I can't give Jellybean the type of attention I'm used to giving him. And then when I lay in bed cuddling with my little man and am loving life, the BUT turns into....I'm dreading the day I have to split my time and then I feel guilty. Maybe it's the hormones that are preventing me from just letting myself get excited without the BUT, or maybe it's just the way I am because I like things perfect  and a certain way and it makes me uptight sometimes. I wish I could be one of those live in the moment don't spend so much time anticipating the future kind of people, and while I can be sometimes, I'm definitely NOT that way when it comes to my family. Thinking about the next step and the next several steps is just something I can't turn off, even if it makes me feel guilty. 

I feel like I'm being whiney, but hey, this blog is an update on my adventures as a mom, and this is my current adventure with my kiddos. 

Tater Tot is becoming way more active, moving around so much more now. He's definitely working at making sure his big brother doesn't get all the attention and tries to kick mom all the time so I give him loving too. It's pretty cute. 

Current Pregnancy Symptoms 

*GROWING BELLY that's for sure. I'm definitely bigger this time around than last time. And of course lots of kicks and jabs in various parts of that growing belly. 
*Sleeping is getting harder again. Finding a comfortable position to sleep in is no longer an option so now I just try to find the least uncomfortable position. 
*Acid reflux. This is perhaps my most hated pregnancy symptom. I had it with JB and I have it again, but hey, according to Old Wives Tales it means my kiddo will have hair (true in JBs case)
* The case of the extremely small bladder. It's only 1000 and I've used the bathroom 5 times already.  
* Crying, emotional, sensitive yup you name it I got it. 
* Nesting- I still don't get why this is a symptom. I feel like I always want to nest pregnant or not. 
* Tired, no fatigued, no exhausted, no...I'm out of words to describe how little energy I feel like I have, and yet somehow I still manage to do what I need to do. I guess that's why everyday should basically be Mother's Day because we do what we need to do and push through the whole no sleeping thing. It's unfortunate because Jellybean is actually sleeping pretty well through the night, now I just wake up because I'm so uncomfortable or because I have to use the bathroom for the 50th time. 
* My flight says I'm meaner now that I'm pregnant. I think they're just being sensitive, I always yell at them pregnant or not. 

I honestly can't wait to meet my little Tater Tot. And I am stoked to be a mom of boys, especially two that will be so close in age. They're going to to get into SO MUCH TROUBLE together! I can't wait to see the adventures their eager minds will bring my way. This current change and this upcoming one makes me apprehensive and stresses me out, obviously, but I have to keep in mind that it's all part of the plan and that God knows what He's doing so I need to just go with the flow, keep working hard, and stay strong. 

He looks way too grown up in this picture! And I am busting out of my clothes.