Why I Still Co-Sleep and Comfort Feed

- November 13, 2014

At a whopping 7 months, my Jellybean, my baby, is no longer a baby. And boy does he know it. He wakes up ready to start the day! He's crawling, learning, exploring, and experiencing the wonders of life and all it has to offer. He's eager to take in the world and meet new people. Every day he grows bigger, stronger, smarter....every day I grow more proud, happy, and in love. He's reached milestone after milestone- from lifting his head to eating solid foods. Now that he's getting good at crawling, it seems like he's crawling away from me. He's no longer a newborn that rests contently in my arms all day long for snuggles and sleep. He WANTS to explore this big new world that he's finally starting to understand exists beyond my arms and nothing is stopping that curious mind. By no means would I ever discourage my handsome little man from branching out into the world that awaits him. I eagerly day dream about the type of man he will become and pray that my parenting fosters a healthy mind and passionate heart. But despite my desire to raise Jellybean into a strong young man, my heart aches every time I see him take one wobbly movement away from me and towards a new discovery. My heart screams "come back!" but my mind says "let him soak it all in, take a step back!" It's a horrible battle inside me. I'm so proud of all his accomplishments so far, I truly am. I want to introduce him to everything and anything. Music, travel, books, art, sports, friendships, school, animals, textures, sounds, feelings- you name it, I want him to have it. But at the same time, I look back and think about what life used to be like when he was just a few weeks old, and we'd spend HOURS cuddling.....and my heart longs for those sweet moments. I want to tell all my friends with brand new little ones to just let the dishes pile up, let the laundry sit unfolded, and love every second of every day that your little tot is still willing to be snuggled. Nowadays, when I try to just sit and snuggle with Jellybean, he squirms away preferring that brightly colored toy in the corner.

But at night, when those sleepy eyelids get heavy and that yawn touches those tiny precious lips, I know he needs his mommy. That's when he wants to snuggle close, hold on to my shirt, and nurse himself to sleep in the warm comfort of my arms and all too familiar smell. At the end of the day, when the busy world has taken its toll on my young and eager little boy, he still needs his mom and I need him even MORE. He doesn't know it, but it's the absolute truth. I need his comforting warmth just as much as he needs mine. It's all happening too quickly and every day he seems to be more independent than the day before. But for now, I really just need him to be my little baby, for just a few moments more. And so, even though Matt impatiently asks when we'll be moving him to his crib, I'm holding on to our precious mother/son time before dad finally moves down to live with us, and Jellybean will continue to snuggle with me in bed every night, where I promise him I'll keep him safe, and I kiss away his nightmares, and I comfort nurse him throughout the night on his terms, swearing that I'll never take these times for granted, because in the blink of an eye, my little man will no longer be my little man, but my grown up son. We spend such a short amount of our lives as young babies, and all too soon the world takes hold of us. And while my Jellybean plays peak-a-boo with the world right now, he still stays close to me, and I am more than ok with that.