Confessions of a First Time Mama

Here we go….

I constantly find myself doing things I said I would NEVER do as a mother. My naïve judgmental pre-baby self would be absolutely horrified of the person I've become.  That girl can suck it because she had no idea how hard (yet totally awesome) being a mother is! That girl also didn't know what really mattered- I'm getting a better understanding and the judgment is quickly subsiding. 

1. I still co-sleep even though I said I never would.
2. I still offer the pacifier when we're out in public even though I said I never would. 
3. I don't always wash his toys when they fall on the ground before I give it back to him. If it's covered in dog hair. I pick the dog hair off and give it back to him. 
4. I never wash his new clothes. 
5. I'm all about baby-led weaning but sometimes, it's just so much faster/cleaner/easier to stick the food in his mouth for him. 
6. I'm not as diligent about hand washing as I SHOULD be. Especially after Abby licks his hands/face/feet nonstop. 
7. I let him crawl into the bathroom if I can't step away from what I'm doing (like putting on makeup or brushing my hair). At least he's in there with me and I can keep an eye on him! 
8. I don't bathe him every night. 
9. I don't read to him as often as I should/want to. It's so hard to find the time at the end of the work day and honestly, he won't sit for it. He squirms around the entire time I try to read to him. 
10. The only baby proofing I've done is outlet plugs. I don't think I'll be doing much more than that and a gate to the stairs. 
11. Sometimes....when I just can't take it anymore, I let him have my phone. YIKES. I know, but playing some silly baby app calms him down and my willpower just goes away. 
12. I let him watch TV with dad. I figure I'll have time to break that habit and get him outside to play when he is actually able to...hopefully...fingers crossed. 
13. I let him scream his head off in public and keep doing what I need to do. Keep giving me evil stares people that don't understand (people like my pre-baby self). I tried the pacifier, he's not sleepy, he's not dirty, and he's not hungry. No toy will console him. I gotta live my life too and if that means running errands with a screaming baby, then so be it! You'll forget about my woes in an hour and yet there's a good chance I'll still be dealing with another mini baby crisis when you're at home drinking your glass of wine in peace and quiet. **Definitely no animosity here, I'm just thinking about the way I used to be/how I used to think about moms in my situation. My-oh-my how things have changed. 
14. I don't feed him real food every day. Sometimes I just don't have the time and it's back to good ole reliable boob milk. 
15.  After a diaper blow out or a serious puke session, I don't run to put my kiddo in the bath or even bathe myself right away, or even that same day. GROSS. 
16. I hate that I have a mommy voice and have given in to speaking in baby talk. I hated hearing it in my pre-mommy days and I still hate it when I hear myself doing it! That high-pitched sing song, overly dramatic voice that comes fully equipped with silly faces that if anyone ever photographed, I'd deck them in the face. And yet, I do it because it makes him smile. 
17. I cried the first week I had to leave Jellybean at daycare and go to work. 
18. Sometimes I wake my sleeping Jellybean just to hold him, hoping he'll fall asleep in my arms and we can peacefully cuddle. Yeah, that never works out for me. Peace and quiet gone hello wide awake baby! 
19. I had a really hard time putting the 0-3 month sized clothes away. Those buttons were POPPING open. I just couldn't let go.....Now w're on 6-12 months. *Where does the time go?* 
20. I let him sleep on his tummy. I know-huge No No! Between that and co-sleeping....someone probably wants to give me the worst mama award. 
21. When Jellybean pukes and it ends up on the floor, I let Abby clean it up for me. Who am I to deny my eagerly helpful dog? 
22. Speaking of vomit, I don't always change the sheets after every single time Jellybean has a puke session in them. If I did that, I'd be doing laundry non stop. 
23. I'm secretly thinking of Baby #2 names.
24. I spend way too much time deciding what my kid is going to wear. Especially since there's a good chance it will be outfit #1/4 for the day. The effort I spend on the later outfits significantly wane and by the end of the day he's in mismatched sweats with puke/poop stains. 
25. I've become that mom that floods my friends' phones and Instagram feed with pics of my kid. And I'm the first of my friends to have a kid. They say it doesn't bug them, but I don't really know....nor do I care. Because I'm still sending them pics! This kiddo is my WORLD. You wanna be part of my world? Embrace the Jellybean!