Raising Boys Today

There are some fears coming my way as a boy mom in this era. I'm reading Oprah's speech from the Golden Globes and it's moving and powerful. I'm reading about Natalie Portman's comments about an ALL male directors nominee list, and I'm reading about scandal and sexual assault and the need for women to rise up and not be silenced. As a woman, I support fighting for gender equality. I'm a working mom for goodness sakes. I'm a working mom with two degrees, working on my third, and I'm grateful for the freedom to pursue higher education. I'm a woman that served in the military, I'm a female veteran and I've been to the desert, I've fired guns, I've been mortared. I'm a woman, I feel empowered, I feel for my gender. At the same time though....I haven't felt discrimination or oppression. My paychecks have always been equal to the men who work alongside me. Thank you military for paying us the same based on rank not based on gender. As a contractor, I know I make the same as my fellow contractor of the opposite gender. But I also believe that these *truths* women speak of regarding inequality and oppression are true. Just because I haven't experienced it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. This is a fact that I whole heartedly recognize.

I do believe that we've come a long way though. And I believe America is leader and powerhouse for equal rights. Had I stayed in the Philippines instead of coming here all those decades ago, I know my life would be different. I'm grateful to this nation and the opportunities I've been afforded that's led me to be the strong working mom and female that I am today. But that's not the point of this blog post. The point is, what about the boys' future? I'm sure I'll get some backlash on this, well probably not because nobody reads my blog. But I need to get this out anyway. I am raising what will be men in this great nation. And I feel like that gender is under a lot of scrutiny right now. Thanks pervert Harvey Wienstein and the many many others that have come before him. I don't want my boys growing up thinking they have to watch their backs for fear that something they say or do will be taken the wrong way because of the growing sensitivity of today's culture. I don't want them walking on egg shells because of the nature of their gender. I am doing my part as a mother, I want to raise my boys to see their female counterparts as equals who must be respected, but at the same time I want to instill some old world gentlemen beliefs on them. I want them to run ahead of the girl they're walking with and open the door for her as they head into work. Then I want them to see that girl as a force to be reckoned with in the workplace, to see her as competition for that next job promotion, even though he just opened that door for her. Is that an oxymoron? I really don't care, that's how I want to raise them.

I want to raise them to be ok with the fact that their future wife might want to be a stay at home to be a mom. In which case, they better be working some kind of job that makes that ok so that they can support their family. I want raise them to be hardworking and resilient and to not quit despite setbacks, because that's life, it's a series of getting up and punching through despite the setbacks. You come out stronger in the end, and I want them STRONG. I want them to be ok with a working wife and having to send the kids to daycare so his wife can pursue a career. That's what I'm doing, that's the example I'm setting for them, so they better be ok with that too. I want them to see women as strong and powerful and equals.

Is there going to be a tipping point though? Are events going to snowball and turn society into something that takes every little thing and make it bigger than it should? I saw a blogger I love to follow @hellofashionblog post a meme about people being overly sensitive and not being able to leave something alone just because its just funny, don't take it to that level and be offended. Someone responded to her meme and said she was a privileged white girl....they clearly don't know she's actually from Colombia and they were proving her point. And that's what I'm talking about- why does everything have to be so politically correct and sensitive to EVERYONE. You can't possibly please everyone, we are too diverse and we have too many experiences. I feel like the male gender is under a huge magnifying glass right now, and a lot of horrible men have put that microscope on themselves and their gender. But what about the men with clean slates? What about the boys growing up right now. That's when a lot of people might chime in and say, well that's on the parents to raise them right and teach them right from wrong. And I plan on doing that, but my right and my wrong aren't going to be the same as the next mom's or the next. And if we're in an overly sensitive culture, how do I keep my kids from growing up feeling like they will always be a target despite what they do because someone out there is going to take something the wrong way and it's immediately going to be blamed on the mere fact that they are male. Is that outrageous? Is it really? Think about it. We may not be there yet, but we're getting there.

I'm not an everyone gets a participation medal kind of mom. I lean more towards the "if you aint first you're last" kind of mom. If you lose, you lose. If you lose a game, you lost, they won. If you fail a test, you failed it- there's no talking your way out of it and asking the teacher for  a pass because at least you tried. My kids better not fail tests- hello tiger mom- B grades were unacceptable when I was growing up.  And some people might think that's too strict and get on me for some kind of child endangerment, who knows, but I feel like we're heading that way. The point is, how do I raise my kids, MY SONS, as strong CHRISTIAN men with values and beliefs that are generally regarded as good? How do I raise them to stand firm in their beliefs when the sensitivity of today's culture might make them stay silent? How do I raise them to be confident that they are good and kind and powerful and confident if they worry they have to watch their backs or sanitize their actions and words? This is truly weighing on me as a mom of three boys. It weighs on me as a female.

I stand with my gender and I want equality. I stand with my sons and I want their freedom too.