The Distance Will Break My Heart

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Just A Little Trip….Except NOT 


 My struggles as a working mom continue. I feel like I rant too much about being a working mom and never really highlight the positives. I'm grateful that I can provide for my kiddo in so many ways. Although I struggle with having to leave him or take time away from him because work needs me, the benefits of my working are still pretty significant. I'm glad I'm in a line of work that sets such a positive example, and while my Jellybean doesn't yet understand that, he will one day be able say that my mom served in the Armed Forces. It's not a field for everyone, it requires some discipline, and a whole lot of dedication, but I still think it's worth it. We have excellent medical coverage, his college is basically paid for since Matt and I don't need our GI Bills, daycare is easy, and the fact that mom and dad get a paycheck isn't too bad either. So yes, while I have a hard time leaving my kiddo at daycare sometimes, and long days at work detract from us spending the evening as a family get on my nerves, I can't be too upset considering the benefits we get in return. 

With all that said, I'm going to get upset anyway. I have to leave my Jellybean and Matt behind for 5 whole weeks! I know, it's really not that bad. It's only 5 weeks right? Moms leave their kiddos for 6 months, in the Army it can be a whole entire year! My mom left for 9 months when I was still a toddler. It's a sacrifice parents make because somebody's got to bring home the bacon. I already have plane tickets to come home every other weekend. Matt and I are both a little anxious about him having to do the daddy and mommy duties all by himself while working (fortunately his job isn't as long hours-demanding as mine is). We've also put Jellybean on formula since there is just no way my frozen milk supply will last those 5 weeks. We decided to alternate his breast milk/formula requirement throughout the day so at least he's getting a couple of bottles of mama's milk in him. I still plan to pump while I'm away and bring milk home during those quick weekends back. 

These military education courses are supposed to foster leadership, mentorship, and networking. Yet I feel like I might be a bit of a hermit during this trip. I have to find that balance between being bummed about missing my kid but not completely locking myself in my dorm room and being anti-social. One of the things I've loved about the military was how it fosters networking.  For those non-home weekends, I signed up for a 15K in Atlanta that I'll be running with a girlfriend from Texas and the next weekend will be filled with what I'm sure will be one crazy visit to see Aunty Panda in Florida.  It's always an adventure with her. So while I've got my weekends covered with plenty of activities, my "want to read" booklist is growing considerably, and fantasies of spin classes/hours on the treadmill fill my head, I know my heart will ache every time I think of that sweet chubby face. 

Matt's parents are planning on coming to help him out/see their grand kid .The trek from Hawaii is long and expensive, but I do hope they make it out because it would be a load off my mind knowing Matt had some help. I put the warning out there though- I'm not sharing Jellybean that weekend I'm home! Matt and his parents can go on some awesome Virginia excursion if they want to, I'm going to stay in bed and make up for lost snuggle time with my little one. 

So as the weekend creeps closer and my time with Jellybean gets shorter and shorter....I struggle with the working mama dilemma. On top of all of this, he's getting to that "clingy" age and he wants mama 24/7. Before, when I'd visit him at daycare, he'd smile at me but continue playing with his toys or friends. Now, he sees me and he'll start to cry if I don't go to him right away or he'll come crawling at light speed and try to climb up my legs. While it melts my heart to see him reach for me and prefer me, I worry about that first day and the days after that he'll want me and I won't be there. 





You bet I've been taking advantage of extra cuddle opportunities with this kiddo. 

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